I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
