is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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