Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
