she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
