Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
