just tell him i said nine months
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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