who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
