there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
