Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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