Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
