Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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