What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
