He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
