I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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