Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
