a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
