i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Damn victory sex feels great
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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