Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
