Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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