she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
