chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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