There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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