his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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