I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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