I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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