Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i think my cat just said my name.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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