just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
