Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
