He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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