Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
