Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I supernannyed him into submission
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
