I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
