Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
