Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
