my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
