I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
