here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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