hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
