o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize