I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
