sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
