he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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