i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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