drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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