Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
