I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
