My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
