ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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