i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
