I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
