I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
