How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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