I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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