Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
