Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
