I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
