Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
