we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
