So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
