Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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