i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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