You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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