I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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