Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
