They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
