I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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