Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
