I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
