it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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