yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
