I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
should my penis look like a turkey
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize